talking past each other

A common phenomenon in theological circles as well as in other spheres, such as political, happens when two or more people are discussing an issue on which they to some degree don't see eye to eye, is the problem of talking past each other. In other words one or each supposes that the other believes such and such, so has the response ready. But the other becomes convinced that they are being misunderstood or not understood precisely as to what they're saying. And it goes on.

The answer to this is dialogue. The kind of give and take that insists on hearing each other out. Come to think of it, this can be quite important in a marriage. Sometimes the spouses are at logger heads with each other. But what about giving each a time, a set time, to share with no interruptions? And then the other can reply with no interruptions, and back and forth.

Humans will never agree on everything, and we carry our own perspectives into each matter. But we have to remember that even from those we disagree with, we can learn. That God may speak to us through them in some way. We need to be open.

In order to help others we must learn to listen well. To listen not with the idea of gathering an answer, but with the goal of understanding fully the other. And with no intention of an immediate reply. Indeed being willing to forego any such reply, at least at the time.

What have you learned in regard to this? Or any thoughts?

news

Paying attention to the news is complex since reporting is always subjective, even when trying not to be. What is reported and left out, and how people on a given issue may differ, all these play out and are heard differently by each of us.

I agree with John R.W. Stott that Christians need to be both in God's word/Scripture, and in God's world, which includes the news. It is important that we try to get some idea of what's going on, and who is thinking what. We do well to listen well to others. But in all of this we need to be those who are in the word and prayer, so that we can have discernment. And we must be humble in all of this, because Christians of equal conviction and learning are often going to disagree on key issues. Though the ninety-nine percent we do agree on can all but get lost in the shuffle over the one percent we don't agree on.

What is crucial as we take in the news is the paradigm out of which we are evaluating it. The question we need to ask ourselves is: Just how Biblical is my paradigm? Do we see all in light of the kingdom of God come in Jesus, in terms of the gospel of God's reconciling grace in Jesus, and according to the God who is love and has sent his Son in love for the world? Or do lesser factors determine much of our thinking in regard to this? Though some such factors do have some value. We have to weigh all of that in the light of Scripture with the help of the Holy Spirit, not only by ourselves, but from others who will help us see more than we could see on our own.

We don't want to get drowned over much news. Some will want to take in more than others, of course. And we need to be those who are steady in God's word, and endeavoring to walk truer and truer in the truth as it is in Jesus. So that in Jesus by grace we can be more and more a part of God's work in this world.

What do you think of the news? Does it get you down? How do you evaluate it? Or do you simply avoid it? Is that good? Why or why not?

being yourself

While we need to listen to what others might think, and take wisdom from wherever we find it, especially from friends and those in Jesus, we need to beware of thinking we have to fit into a jacket that really doesn't fit us.

This is a precarious balance to keep, because a critique or suggestion may sound like it is off, yet it may have something important to offer.

A blogging friend recently told me that I ought to quit reading so much of this and that, and concentrate on God's word and working that into my life. Ouch, of course! But I think they had a valid point, and one I've been working on anyhow, lately. That at least validated part of what is on my heart, and what I'm seeking to work better into my life.

At the same time I have to be who I am. I can't be like that person, or someone else. So that I gladly began to read and work through a most challenging book, part of the time last evening when my wife and I were playing Super Scrabble. A very fun evening, by the way.

While at the same time seeking to hold close to my heart how God seems to be moving me in my life, which includes slowing down, which I mentioned in a recent post.

I am thankful for my wife who lets me be myself and even blesses that. But she gets after me where I need it. But I want to hear others as well, from whom God may speak into my life.

What about you on this?

being quiet

Being quiet I believe is underrated. Everyone likes to share their opinion or something of their life, and to some extent that's good and fine, and we can see it played out with all of our blogs.

I recently heard that someone who has shared plenty of words (a Christian, whose name now escapes me) said that they listen 80% of the time, seeking to really understand, and then they speak accordingly. This reminds me of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's words of warning, telling us that we'd better learn to listen to others, or we'll find that we are not listening to God, no matter what we may be doing (reading or talking about God's word, etc.).

I am a talker by nature. But I find much more satisfaction in saying less. Listening more. And hopefully wasting less words. Of course there is a time to speak. Sometimes needed to break the silence, or even break the ice. But I'm finding that I want to be quick to listen, and seek to really understand others. And I'm also working on not waiting until someone is finished so I can say what I've already planned to say. Better to hear them out, think, and then perhaps offer some words that might be helpful to them or for the conversation.

Good too, surely, to be quiet before God. To pray, yes. But also to just be quiet, and seek to listen and hear God's voice speaking into and through our lives.

What would you like to add on being quiet?

having eyes to see

Many of my posts are composed when I get up in the morning. And a good number of those are related to ways I've sense God is at work in my life. Or areas I need to work on. Firsthand kind of things. As I reflect on the day before.

Jesus taught us that we need to have eyes to see and ears to hear. We need to work at developing a sensitivity toward God, not dependent on anything except God's grace. Reading Scripture, and good books is helpful for us in this. Listening to others, Christian fellowship, and listening well to everyone (Bonhoeffer). These and more will help us begin to have discernment toward having a sense of what God is doing and speaking into our lives.

As we keep going through Scripture, we can get perspective on our own lives by viewing the lives of others. This is an important part of learning to "see" and "hear" well. Seeing God's work and will in the lives of ordinary human beings like ourselves.

Am I seeing and hearing well now? I wouldn't say that, in fact I believe at times I am not. But I think it's good to be aware of this need, so that we can work on our focus as well as to what and how we are listening: where our attention lies.

What thoughts might you like to add to these few thoughts here?

trying to connect

A reminder that next Wednesday, May 7 I plan to begin blogging chapter by chapter weekly from L.L. Barkat's new book, Stone Crossings: Finding Grace in Hard and Hidden Places. We will begin with chapter 1, "Stepping Stones - conversion." If you don't order it, your local Christian bookstore may have it, or any bookstore. It's a great read and like the best books is good to take slow. Let's think together over it.

Yesterday I posted in the morning as I normally do lately, and received no comments throughout the day. In a way I don't care, but in another way I do. I don't keep track of who or how many people are coming to this blog: no site meter, though I realize there may be readers, and are, who don't always comment. But I do blog to share with others and this sharing is give and take.

Trying to connect with others is important for us in Jesus and somewhat related to the belated post I did last evening after erasing the morning post. It's kind of a mystery as to how it happens. I have a simple gift of sharing and try to do so in a straightforward, simple way, of my faith and our faith together in Jesus.

This reminds me of Paul's words in his zeal and passion to share Christ with others, how he had become all things to all people that he might by all possible means, save some. He did this in word and in deed I take it. Without sinning we need to get where people are, and appreciate the good there as well as listening to them and learning their perspective. So that we might be enabled by the Spirit to share Jesus with them as we seek to befriend them with no strings attached.

This is a meandering post, but what ways do you see helpful in trying to connect with others? Or any thoughts on this.

refreshed in God

Yesterday in hearing "Peter" read 1 Peter and "John" read 1 John in The Bible Experience, I was refreshed on my way to work and on my way home. I think we have to keep after it in reading Scripture. But I also think there are those moments that jump out at us, as we read or hear God's word. Impacting us.

When that happens I want to take note, and see what the Lord may be speaking into my life, specifically. Yesterday I was reminded of the deep love we're to have for each other, grounded in the truth and love in Jesus. At other times I just am appreciative of the words I've read or heard time and time again, over past years. Yet they come fresh to me, and I'm refreshed and invigorated.

Again, I would like to recommend that you look into The Bible Experience. It has grown on me so that even though through various circumstances our finances are rather tight, I want to, down the road, get my own copy. Right now I've been repeatedly going through the New Testament with copies from our public library system, and have asked them to purchase the Old Testament of it.

My wife used to get tired of my continual listening to the Bible being read- and understandably so, since I wasn't open as I should have been to interruptions, but she likes this. I'm even listening to the songs interspersed here and there.

So check it out. Sample it at a bookstore if you can. And let's keep after our reading of God's word, as well as listening to it from The Bible Experience or in other ways- if you like.

Any thoughts here?

listen, speak and live

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer points out in his most excellent book, Life Together, the first responsibility we in Jesus have to God and to our fellow humans is to listen. We must listen and listen well. If we fail to listen to others, Bonhoeffer states, then we'll soon be failing to listen and hear God. And in doing that, we'll end up with nothing left but our own "prattle".

After we listen well, and are really hearing what the other is saying, then we can speak. We need to speak with grace, yet hold nothing back that is needed. As we're in prayer over this, the Spirit can help us so that we won't necessarily say everything that comes to mind. Oftentimes less is more and more is less, both as to how long we speak and how much we say. We need to have a kind of quiet yet bold confidence in what we're saying, but all the time accompanied with much humility, received from God as Jesus by the Spirit works his humility in us, as well as the insight we have from God about ourselves.

And then we must simply live it out. Not many things are worse than those who say one thing but do another, who do not "practice what they preach." If we really believe something than at least we'll want to live it out. This should make us think twice about what we actually say, since it needs to be from the bottom of our heart and something we're prayerfully endeavoring to adhere to in our lives.

What words of insight or anything, would any of you like to say?

empathizing with others

To empathize means to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. To try to understand their perspective and what life is like for them. This is not easy to do, because we sadly tend to see everything and everyone in relation to ourselves, and how everything and everyone meets our own needs.

Really, God is to be at the center, and we're to be in the periphery alongside others. This includes those who know the grace of God in Jesus, and those who do not. It even includes our enemies. We need to listen and try to understand where the other person is coming from. We need to try to hear what they might really be saying behind the words they actually are saying. Or maybe even in their silence.

Jesus is the Empathizer par excellence. He became one of us, fully human, though God- yes, fully and completely human. He lived among us in relative silence for nearly thirty years. Surely part of that was coming to understand both first and second-hand, life here on earth as a human. All the ways that people clamor and grope for real life. What it is like to live as a human in a fallen, broken world. And to do so in relational terms.

Then for around three years he called those in Israel to a new kingdom, not from this world, but invading this world in him, the kingdom of God. And he called them to a follow him, but only in accordance with this kindgom come, and the new covenant coming with it. But even in the midst of this we find over and over again many acts and words from Jesus which show his clear empathy with others. But always in line with the will of his Father. Anything out of line was considered an enemy, considered even Satan himself.

This is the way we need to take, in Jesus. It's a way of utter empathy in listening to others. Seeking to hear what even the most rebellious are saying. Then it's the way of extending a heart and hand of healing in Jesus' name, by sharing ourselves, our love, and seeking to fellowship and enjoy their company. And in that, sharing the love of God to them in Jesus, and something of the reality of this kingdom of God come in him. To point all to the new covenant in Jesus which brings in the beginning of the new creation in him, even here and now.

I need to ever empathize with others. I do that by embracing the pain that's in my own heart and life. Bringing that to God. Seeking at all times to have God at the center of my life and existence, not myself. And seeking to help others on the periphery find this same God, in Jesus.

What might you like to add about empathizing with others?