tough love

Tough love holds people accountable. Too often I think we Christians sweep sins under the rug that we really ought to confront in love. It's true that "love covers over a multitude of sins." I think there are surely plenty of times when we need to look past sins of others. But there is a time to lovingly confront a brother or sister who is sinning.

We do each other no favor by simply ignoring sins. I do not grow if I'm not called on the carpet for sin, neither does my fellow Christian grow if I don't seek to help them see their fault and need for change.

This is exceedingly hard. And it's better to remain silent and pray, than to come on in a harsh manner. Better to empathize and ask questions than ramrod "the truth" down the sinner's throat. 

But at the same time unless the error of one's ways is not brought to light, there can be no hope of repentance unto life. I think of one sin prevalent among so many of us: the sin of the tongue. We grumble against each other, we talk about so and so, etc. I learned to hate such sins early on, since I saw firsthand the damage they did to others. Though I can fall into the same sin as I take apart those who are so sinning.

Unless we're willing to confess as well as be corrected in the Body of Christ, we really are not living out the community in Jesus that we in Jesus are. Tough love means we are willing to be held accountable, and willing to hold others accountable- before God and before each other.

Much more to say on this. Would you like to add something?

humbling ourselves

Augustine in the book I quoted from in Sunday's post has some good words on humbling ourselves. I really don't have permission to copy the words, and it makes me wonder about my "quotations of the week". Don't know what to think on that, as I believe in obeying every law, and this just occurred to me yesterday.

Augustine says that we ascend by descending, as followers of our Lord. We must descend into the valleys, before we can ascend into the mountains. It is really quite good, and spoke to me clearly today. I would have liked to copy it for here.

I find this true, but can do it falsely, left to myself. Self-deprecation is not helpful here. Obedience to Christ in letting God be God in our lives, as we seek to trust and obey, owning up to our sins, and in all this, embracing the way of our Lord Jesus, in all of life, is key here.

And it's not just a one or two event matter. It's to be a daily and regular ongoing practice and way of life for us. We must let go of all pride and humble ourselves. Whenever we are aware of pride, we should immediately confess it to God and forsake it. And we may need to confess it to another, if it has shown up in our actions or words. Just today a sister in the Lord pointed out to me a fault I have. I was glad for her help, because I failed to see it, or appreciate it for what it really was. This can help me set a new tone and goal for my life in that area.

What about you? What have you learned about the grace of humility in Jesus, in your life, which can help us?

Tomorrow: "Lava Rock - witness" from L.L. Barkat, Stone Crossings: Finding Grace in Hard and Hidden Places

quote for the week

Many Christians tend to concentrate on one [vice] list or the other; one knows of Christian communities that would be appalled at the slightest sexual irregularity but which are nests of malicious intrigue, backbiting, gossip and bad temper, and conversely, of others where people are so concerned to live in untroubled harmony with each other that they tolerate flagrant immorality.

(N.T. Wright, Colossians and Philemon, Leicester: InterVarsity, 1986, p. 183)

It was the great American Transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines." Doubtless he was right, but in fact impartiality and fairness to all are not small virtues. All sin should be taken seriously, whether a sin like gluttony, greed, or egocentrism or a sexual or theological sin of some sort. The leader of the Lambda chapter at Vanderbilt asked me at a forum on homosexuality whether he would be welcome in my church. I told him that everyone is welcome to come as they are into the church, that is meant to be a hospital for sick sinners not a museum for saints. But equally no one is welcome to stay as they are. As Paul says so clearly in Colossians, everyone must repent and leave behind their old selves, their old ways. This included heterosexuals leaving behind homophobia and gay-bashing, both of which are serious sins, and homosexuals leaving behind the kind of sexual actions which are clearly condemned in the Bible - namely same-sex sexual sharing. I agree with Bishop Wright in the quotation above that neither extreme should characterize the church. But it is also true that the existence of a blind spot in one's recognition of a certain kind of sin does not mean one should stop preaching against all sin on the basis of it being unfair. Rather one's conscience should be raised so that one becomes an equal-opportunity critic of all sin, calling all persons equally to repentance.

Too often the condemnation of hypocrisy (including the straining out of small virtues while swallowing major vices), which is proper, has led to the silencing of the prophetic critique of sin altogether. All Christians should be calling all other Christians to moral accountability for their behavior. This is why, for instance, James 5 encourages us to confess our sins to one another - not merely to the priest or counselor or friend. There needs to be a community of saved sinners that is forming into an accountable body of Christ, helping each other to grow in grace. Instead of pointing fingers, we need to hold outstretched hands and help each other follow all the proper moral paths for the Lord's name's sake. Tolerance of sin is no more a virtue than hypocritical condemnation of selective sins. We are called to accountability, and will have to render account to Christ one day as well.

We are also called to speak the truth in love, neither merely speaking the truth nor merely indulgently loving. Paul calls for the balance that leads to what he calls "the perfection of love" (Colossians 3:14).Love is a sanctifying force that leads one to be one's best self, not allowing one to settle for behaving badly. Paul's call to love is not separated from the call to holiness and sanctification. Love without holiness is mere indulgence and permissiveness. It never leads to moral rectitude. But holiness without love is mere censoriousness and leads to condemnation and guilt rather than to growth in grace and in stature.

Ben Witherington III, The Letters to Philemon, the Colossians, and the Ephesians: A Socio-Rhetorical Commentary on the Captivity Epistles, pp. 211, 212.