Monday, July 28, 2008

summertime blues

No, I'm not really having the summertime blues, though I do believe there is kind of a lull going on right now with me, as I try to sort some things out between myself and God. This has probably been on hold for awhile, as I've had some responsibilities pressing in on me. A little relief from such right now, and just the need to do this, so I'm working on something, and trying to draw near to God in all of this. So I'd appreciate your prayers, as you remember.

As a friend recently reminded me, pain is good. People who suffer from leprosy are deprived of pain from lacking healthy nerve endings, and therefore are unaware when something is wrong. Most all of my life I've been in inward pain. Some people have judged me for that, but I think I find Biblical characters who may fit this bill, at least one coming readily to mind, Jeremiah. Others have had no clue of that, as I can be good at hiding it.

I simply see the need at this time to break away a little from normal activities. I don't think this will result in letting up on what I do, at least not for now. But as part of what I'm doing on the side, there will be this search to better negotiate what for me has become a deep sadness and ongoing pain. I'm not sure what all is involved in this, though I could rattle off some things while sitting down with a friend, and maybe then we could pray. Well, I have no such friend at the moment, and I don't wish to burden down others who are busy in the Lord's work, though I may just have to reach out to someone soon.

I'm not interested in feeling good soon, or having all my troubles and struggles taken away. I am interested in learning better to walk by faith in God through everything.

Maybe you've gone through something similar in your life, or maybe you're going through that now. If so, please feel free to share something with us to help us, or if you would like, share with us of your own struggle so we can pray for you.

17 comments:

Mike said...

Prayed for you bro!...more later

Laure said...

certainly i understand the things you speak of here. and i would agree that pain can facilitate much good in one's life. for what it is worth, i belong to the group that does not judge you, Ted.

as to what you are seeing ... your "need to break away a little from normal activities" ... i pray you will find and employ the grace needed.

when invited to journey with God in a search, i find it best to travel light. that it to say, to pack a willing, teachable spirit ... the measure of faith given ... a full lamp ... and His promises. after saying yes to the journey itself, everything step after that first step is a surrender to Him.

i shall be praying for rest stops and divine appointments to present themselves to you along your way. and, if He wills ... a person or persons of wisdom, who possess the ability for deep, reflective listening and sharing silence as you may find need.

your desire to learn the how of your walk is a gift from our Father. how fortunate you are!

Rachel Mc said...

Ted, you are in my prayers and I would not consider it a burden to talk to you (listen to you)"deep saddness and ongoing pain" I am not sure I understand what you mean but a thought has come to mind. A very nice guy at my church shared something in bible study awhile ago and it has stayed with me. When we discussed our hopes/fears and struggles on being who God intended us to be, he stated, very strongly, he felt his greatest kingdom work will not be "on this side of heaven" but on the other side, continuing with the fight of good vs evil. He felt he would be most affective on the other side. He felt he just didn't fit in spiritually here and felt his calling to be working on the other side. I don't know if this pertains to you or not, but I hope you aren't feeling that you have no use to God, or even to anyone who you may meet. Again, don't know if any of this pertains to you, but in the brief time I have known you and followed your blog, I would defintly describe you as someone who will continue to have an important purpose fighting for the kingdom on the other side. I see you as a leader here and on the other side.

Every Square Inch said...

Ted

Thanks for your honest sharing and I know that God will meet you at your point of need. I pray for you as I would for myself - that we will see Him more clearly and treasure Him more dearly.

Grace to you

Ted M. Gossard said...

Mike,
Thanks, brother.

Ted M. Gossard said...

Laure,
Thanks.

Yes, grace needed always, in all things of course. But especially seems so at new junctures. Maybe in places of growth in which needed change hurts.

I like your thoughts about traveling light. I don't know how well I do that way. Sometimes I'll take more on to drown out the pain, or just to keep busy I think to avoid what maybe I ought to face. But I like the way you put it in terms of a journey in reference to God, etc.

Thanks for your prayers. Don't mean to burden you or anyone. One good prayer can go along way, and often a good prayer can be short, as well. I appreciate any prayer, of course.

Yes. Maybe feeling lost and even in danger is a good grace from God, compared to the possibility of being so, yet not knowing it. Grace from God meets us in our need and God often wants us to be aware and actively involved in his work of grace- along with all the grace we receive without knowing it.

Ted M. Gossard said...

Rachel,
Thanks. I do appreciate it.

I can udnerstand this man's sentiment, and have thought about the same, myself. Just not sure we really have a peg to hang our hats on, Biblically, in that one. I think we have to be concerned about our life in God, now. What we do on the other side before the resurrection is not clear to us, at least not in terms of actual service. But what we do on this side is amply and clearly revealed to us in Scripture, in our lives in Jesus.

Thanks for your gracious words. We all can be good leaders, as we become better and better followers of our Lord, together, in this life.

Ted M. Gossard said...

ESI,
Very good thought for prayer. To see him more clearly, and treasure him more dearly.

Yes. I don't see that, but I know by faith in God and his promises, it is true. If I depended on my sight, I wouldn't be depending on faith.

Thanks for your prayer, brother. I appreciate it from you, as well as from the others.

L.L. Barkat said...

Sadness. A hard teacher. But deep. So deep. I pray that you will hear her wisdom and find strange comfort in the pain.

Ted M. Gossard said...

L.L.,
Thanks for the prayer. I prefer pain to numbness anytime. I'm afraid of becoming numb and hardened in heart over troubles, at times. Instead, I need to accept and embrace God's pain, not trying to anaesthetize myself to it. Or rebel against it. It's there for a purpose, so I need to let it speak.

Like on a quote of C.S. Lewis, ESI recently put on his blog. I need to hear God through it. I'm afraid I'm trying to escape, though.

Thanks for your good words, here, and for your prayer.

NaNcY said...

hi ted,

you can say anything you want to me. i can not promise that i will be the perfect listener, or that i will have anything helpful to say to you, but, i will be here to listen as long as i can be here, and i will pray for you as long as you want prayer.


i happened to pray for you this morning...and here i read you want prayer. well, you asked for it now, brother, i am gonna just keep on praying!

feel free to email

Ted M. Gossard said...

Nancy,
I know you listen well, and you have good things to say. Thanks for your prayers, and for the offer.

I think it involves a work of the Lord, and my response to that work.

Ted M. Gossard said...

...and I do appreciate you, Nancy, along with the others, as well. :)

NaNcY said...

thanks ted, i will call your name to Jesus for prayer before the Father.

rest in the arms of Jesus, for He Loves you.
you are within His Body and He is within you.

Jesus is our rest.

God

will do

His work

in you

and

through

you

as

you

abide

in

Him.






as you abide.


abide
O.E. abidan, gebidan "remain," from ge- completive prefix (denoting onward motion; see a- (1)) + bidan "bide, remain, wait, dwell" (see bide).


bide
O.E. bidan "to stay, continue, live, remain," also "to trust, rely" ....

Mike said...

tried to email you Ted and it got kicked back...If possible, would you email me a good address?

Thanks

m

Ted M. Gossard said...

Nancy,
Thanks again for your rich words in Jesus, and for your prayers.

Ted M. Gossard said...

Sure will, Mike. And thanks.